Pretty much I’m funny—at least my friends and family tell me so. My husband and I, the humorous “Scheids” so to speak are charmers at parties, have the wildest stories (all true, wink, wink) and above all, we seem to have both been blessed with reason even if he is a Democrat and I a Republican.
Last night as we drank some eggnog and listened to our favorite holiday songs, we had an awesome idea! A gift to the Democrats and Republicans we’ve all voted into office; especially the ones we can’t seem to get rid of—or those who won’t budge for any cause simply because they don’t like the blue or the red….whatever! as my one daughter used to say.
Here we go and it’s a simple idea really: Laser Tag. It’s less painful than paint ball wars and if you get hit, you’re out and we mean O-U-T out. No more office, no more pension, no more assistant, scheduling secretary, votes to worry about—you just get to go home and by home, we mean all the way home to the state from which you rose and in this gift there are no special tokens to get you back into the game.
We thought about colors to use for the laser tag game. Red and Blue? But alas, there are those of the female persuasion that may like pink, purple or violet. We dismissed that idea quickly and stuck with Blue for Democrats, Red for Republicans. Those of the Tea Party also get to play with Red but it’s more of a blood red—like I really hit your ass, so there!
As far as Independents, we thought we’d use those folks to be the referees of sorts. You know, if a blue or red team player is hiding, the Independents would wear green and push them back into play. Hiding constitutes those under rocks or behind walls eagerly writing a new bill or strategically planning a way to gain friends and overtake a team. There are no teams—just individual players. Hope your aim is good!
I was reading Bill O’Reilly’s book on Lincoln when I got the idea and then discussed it with my husband and we really developed the idea into a grand plan!
You see there really is no way for any one man or woman to win the 2012 Presidential election and change the state of the U.S. It’s not possible folks because there are too many old farts in office that JUST WON’T LEAVE and their stupid constituents keep reelecting them. Why? These are the type of folks that don’t read any news on the distress in the world but are proud of their voting card and punch the same chad over and over again, hence the over-reelecting.
Laser tag would be a way to get them out for good. But then, my husband and I thought, how to replace those who lose? After all, in a fair game, there would be only two left, well three, really. One Blue, one Red and a Greenie voted in by fellow referees. Hmmm...three folks to begin with sounds a lot better than the hundreds we have now that do absolutely nothing but point fingers and have fun with double-talk and we all know double-talk is no talk at all. Politicking would be gone for good. No voting, no hiding behind curtains like the Great Oz; nope just a pickup game really of three men and women choosing new folks to come in and lead.
Oh, another rule, the three winners are not allowed to choose any involved in the game to begin with. Once you’ve been tagged, as said before, you’re out for good and you may never, ever, ever mention running again, in fact, you wouldn’t even be allowed to run for any office like county tax assessor—your political future is over once you’ve been beamed so to speak. How’s that bread line sounding now? How does living in your car or a motel sound to you? Sweet?
Choosing teammates would be easy. Folks interested could submit resumes to either the Red, blue or green leaders and they would have to ACTUALLY READ RESUMES and decide on who makes a good fit.
Of course we’d have to figure out some questions or two to include in an assessment test. We wouldn’t want anyone who looked good on paper and then turned out to be a Uni-bomber. And, you must be an American. My husband and I aren’t sure if we want to allow foreign-born Americans in or not. It might be a good idea—well except for Arnold S.—he’s slept with too many of his staff.
And that brings us to another point. If you do get chosen, you get one staff person and that’s it. Why in the world do all these senators and representatives need aids to aid those who aid them? Ridiculous. One is good enough—take it or leave it. Oh, and offices would be shared.
Seriously folks, we need to do something about the disaster we call America. It’s going downhill fast and I’m not joking when I mean this America I live in reminds me of tales my Grandfather told me while he fed me one piece of white bread with syrup on it for a treat—“That was a depression treat, he would say and so you should appreciate it!” He was right you know. We are all greedy and if we don’t get what we want what do we do? Nothing at all; at least if you’re an elected official anyway. Why bother? Who cares? You’ll get voted back in again and again, it’s history and those shortened terms and pay freezes never work in politics so why do we, as citizens, put up with them?
You know, if this Laser tag gift doesn’t happen, what will happen will be a Red and Blue fight and much like the Civil War only with no lasers, but real blood and AK47’s and trenches and knives and cannons (my husband and I are supposing this last statement will put us on the Washington “watch list.”) The average American is truly that angry so you know what you politicians in Washington? Take this laser tag game gift as the gift it is meant to be and you know what they say right? Never look a gift horse in the mouth so shut up, stand in your assigned color line and hope you win.
Lastly, as far as one leader, forget that idea. The three original leaders would serve for three or four years and then the laser tag game is on again. You know this is quite brilliant really!
Ready, set, game on!