Forget the Whimper, Start 2012 With a Bang!

As I’ve said before, I love reading news stories on Google News—the categories are neat and tidy and I can click on “business” and skip the Hollywood drama that seems to flash on other search engine sites.

This last day of 2011, I once again turned to my trusted source to see what business experts were predicting for 2012. One story in Wane.com by Andy Russell seemed to have an engaging title—“Financial New Year: 1^st Day Saturday” with a teaser to match:

“How big will Europe play a role in the world's economy in 2012?  Will the 2012 presidential election affect the economy at all?  Should we expect the same roller coaster between Democrats and Republicans when it comes to our national debt?  A financial advisor from Hefty Wealth helps answer some of those questions.”

I was eager and full of anticipation! I wanted to find out what this “financial advisor” had to say about the economy in 2012. Unfortunately, not much. The advisor pointed out we should expect mostly the same for 2012 but did focus on the importance of the U.S. digging a little deeper into the wealth or lack of wealth in other countries because after all, we know the global economy is here to stay.

Big business, as it seems, won’t change much at all. We’ll still be cash strapped, broke, looking for a job, losing our homes and businesses and oh yes, there’s that pesky election coming up. We all know whoever does get the nod for the Oval Office won’t be able to change the economy alone—no one has that sort of power unless we change to a communistic society and that’s just not our goal in America—never has been.

I mention Big Business because that’s really what rules our economy, not elected officials although Big Biz may help them achieve the political offices they long for. I surely wish this could change, but I don’t foresee it in my lifetime.

I want to hear something new and fresh for 2012!  I want to leave 2012 on a bang, not a whimper of the same don’t you?

I found another Google News story from Reuters by John D. Stoll: “Insight: Dark Holiday in Detroit as Church Downsizes.” Here, Stoll reports the Catholic Diocese has decided to shut down many of their churches in the area due to the economy—the 79 that exist will be cut to 59 in the city of Detroit.

Churches are big business too and as a Catholic, I can’t help wondering if some of those at the top could cut back a bit on the hoopla and save the donated dollars to keep local churches open, especially those with soup kitchens for the hungry and homeless. But alas, that’s not going to happen in Detroit and many who use the services of the 120-year old Detroit church mentioned, St. Leo, must look for other avenues literally—take the trek on bus or foot to another avenue to find a church not included in the downsizing—that’s a little depressing for New Year’s Eve isn’t it?

Another story was hopeful from the Washington Post by Beth Jinks: “Amazon Kindle Sold at Amazing Pace at 1 Million a Week in December.” Good news for Amazon and Kindle lovers everywhere. Unfortunately, however, the Kindle is an American favorite, but not made in the U.S. of A. The e-paper display technology seems to be an expertise of the Asian market and hopes for any future manufacturing of the e-reader (any kind) in the U.S. seems glim—we just don’t have that market. Actually, we don’t have any market—what do we make here? Levis? Nike shoes? Football helmets? I’m not really sure and on this last day of December 2011, I don’t feel like searching for a list of products made in America.

So, I thought about how I could make a bang at midnight this year. I thought long and hard, what one thing could I do that would be truly American? Something that would encourage me to look forward to a brighter 2012? I really couldn’t think of anything special, other than helping out at a soup kitchen, so my husband and I decided to do that for the lunch shift and then head back home to hide within the walls of our safe house when the midnight hour strikes in fear of those shooting off pistols into the air. What ever happened to banging pots and pans, ringing a bell or just shouting out “Happy New Year!” into the streets? Hmmm…

The soup kitchen helped and it made me feel better to listen to the stories of the poor, lonely and homeless and be thankful I had a home to go back to. I was one of the lucky ones indeed.

So, we settled in and popped open some champagne and revisited our same old tradition of playing the board game Risk—again. We have done this now on New Year’s Eve for 10 years and I have never, ever won so why I keep trying is beyond me—my husband is more strategic than I, but oh boy could I beat him in Scrabble if he’d only play!

I starting humming that old song, “Constantinople” while we played—you know that song with the lyrics “You can’t go back to Constantinople cause it’s Istanbul.” I then thought of a co-worker who says he’s Persian, but other than the cats, where is Persia? Hmmmm… I don't think you can go back there either.

It finally hit me, the big bang—and it wasn’t pretty. What if my grandchild’s children someday sing a song about “You can't go back to America because it’s China?” Are we headed in that direction? Does the global economy mean if we don’t open our gates and allow the flow of what we don’t make in will leave America in last place? Are we too lazy to try? Our colleges and universities certainly don’t mind taking tuition money from foreigners studying abroad and then using their new found knowledge in their homelands.

My goal for 2012 is to look further into American companies, promote them, blog about them, and write historical perspectives on how they are staying afloat. I love America, I just fear someday, it won’t be America and as I said before, you can’t go back to Constantinople—let’s just hope it never happens like that here where from sea to shining sea, we do fight the good fight and rise higher and stronger than ever before. Only this time, let’s skip the chant, “Yes we can.”

Happy New Year folks!

Sources:

Reuters

Wane.com

Washington Post

Laser Tag: A Christmas Gift for Our Fearless Leaders in Washington

Pretty much I’m funny—at least my friends and family tell me so.  My husband and I, the humorous “Scheids” so to speak are charmers at parties, have the wildest stories (all true, wink, wink) and above all, we seem to have both been blessed with reason even if he is a Democrat and I a Republican.

Last night as we drank some eggnog and listened to our favorite holiday songs, we had an awesome idea! A gift to the Democrats and Republicans we’ve all voted into office; especially the ones we can’t seem to get rid of—or those who won’t budge for any cause simply because they don’t like the blue or the red….whatever! as my one daughter used to say.

Here we go and it’s a simple idea really: Laser Tag. It’s less painful than paint ball wars and if you get hit, you’re out and we mean O-U-T out. No more office, no more pension, no more assistant, scheduling secretary, votes to worry about—you just get to go home and by home, we mean all the way home to the state from which you rose and in this gift there are no special tokens to get you back into the game.

We thought about colors to use for the laser tag game. Red and Blue? But alas, there are those of the female persuasion that may like pink, purple or violet. We dismissed that idea quickly and stuck with Blue for Democrats, Red for Republicans. Those of the Tea Party also get to play with Red but it’s more of a blood red—like I really hit your ass, so there!

As far as Independents, we thought we’d use those folks to be the referees of sorts. You know, if a blue or red team player is hiding, the Independents would wear green and push them back into play. Hiding constitutes those under rocks or behind walls eagerly writing a new bill or strategically planning a way to gain friends and overtake a team. There are no teams—just individual players. Hope your aim is good!

I was reading Bill O’Reilly’s book on Lincoln when I got the idea and then discussed it with my husband and we really developed the idea into a grand plan!

You see there really is no way for any one man or woman to win the 2012 Presidential election and change the state of the U.S. It’s not possible folks because there are too many old farts in office that JUST WON’T LEAVE and their stupid constituents keep reelecting them. Why? These are the type of folks that don’t read any news on the distress in the world but are proud of their voting card and punch the same chad over and over again, hence the over-reelecting.

Laser tag would be a way to get them out for good. But then, my husband and I thought, how to replace those who lose? After all, in a fair game, there would be only two left, well three, really. One Blue, one Red and a Greenie voted in by fellow referees. Hmmm...three folks to begin with sounds a lot better than the hundreds we have now that do absolutely nothing but point fingers and have fun with double-talk and we all know double-talk is no talk at all. Politicking would be gone for good. No voting, no hiding behind curtains like the Great Oz; nope just a pickup game really of three men and women choosing new folks to come in and lead.

Oh, another rule, the three winners are not allowed to choose any involved in the game to begin with. Once you’ve been tagged, as said before, you’re out for good and you may never, ever, ever mention running again, in fact, you wouldn’t even be allowed to run for any office like county tax assessor—your political future is over once you’ve been beamed so to speak. How’s that bread line sounding now? How does living in your car or a motel sound to you? Sweet?

Choosing teammates would be easy. Folks interested could submit resumes to either the Red, blue or green leaders and they would have to ACTUALLY READ RESUMES and decide on who makes a good fit.

Of course we’d have to figure out some questions or two to include in an assessment test. We wouldn’t want anyone who looked good on paper and then turned out to be a Uni-bomber. And, you must be an American. My husband and I aren’t sure if we want to allow foreign-born Americans in or not. It might be a good idea—well except for Arnold S.—he’s slept with too many of his staff.

And that brings us to another point. If you do get chosen, you get one staff person and that’s it. Why in the world do all these senators and representatives need aids to aid those who aid them? Ridiculous. One is good enough—take it or leave it. Oh, and offices would be shared.

Seriously folks, we need to do something about the disaster we call America. It’s going downhill fast and I’m not joking when I mean this America I live in reminds me of tales my Grandfather told me while he fed me one piece of white bread with syrup on it for a treat—“That was a depression treat, he would say and so you should appreciate it!” He was right you know. We are all greedy and if we don’t get what we want what do we do? Nothing at all; at least if you’re an elected official anyway. Why bother? Who cares? You’ll get voted back in again and again, it’s history and those shortened terms and pay freezes never work in politics so why do we, as citizens, put up with them?

You know, if this Laser tag gift doesn’t happen, what will happen will be a Red and Blue fight and much like the Civil War only with no lasers, but real blood and AK47’s and trenches and knives and cannons (my husband and I are supposing this last statement will put us on the Washington “watch list.”) The average American is truly that angry so you know what you politicians in Washington? Take this laser tag game gift as the gift it is meant to be and you know what they say right? Never look a gift horse in the mouth so shut up, stand in your assigned color line and hope you win.

Lastly, as far as one leader, forget that idea. The three original leaders would serve for three or four years and then the laser tag game is on again. You know this is quite brilliant really!

Ready, set, game on!

2012 Fixes for Small Business Owners

As you go out caroling and sip some warm and hopefully spiked eggnog this holiday season, if you’re a business owner, you’ve gotta be thinking, “What’s going to happen in 2012?” Will the economy get worse? Will it get better? Will I be closing my doors? Will I finally have to lay off those employees I thought I could keep? Will I be able to pay my bills? Will the bank call in my line of credit?

All of these questions race frequently through the minds ofthe small entrepreneur but they are more relevant due to the challenging times we live in. My business closed in 2011 (actually two) and it was scary, sad and difficult. Is there anything our government can do to fix this mess of an economy or are we doomed to relive stories from the past about how our grandparents struggled through, were happy with the food they could put on the table and proud of the house, albeit small, they could still afford to pay the mortgage on?

These are reality doses of yep and more yep.  It’s time for all of us Americans to step back and say, it’s been fun, it’s been grand, but what are we going to do now. The old saying if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it won’t work here. We are broke and there are a lot of things that need some fixing.

It’s no longer a question of how much money you are making, it’s more of deciding the best way to run your business to keep it open and cut back on some of the stuff you thought you couldn’t live without. But as we look toward 2012, it’s more than that really. It’s about what you have to change now because if you operate the same way next year, you’ll sink faster than you think.

Stuff to Quit

As a former business owner for many years, I can tell you there are some things you need to stop doing on January first—ASAP.

The Ice Cream Fund – Forget about your toys, boat, funds tucked away for a secret gal or guy friend and all the other stuff you buy and try and hide as business expenses. You can’t afford them anymore. Get rid of some of your toys and invest the money where you really need it. If you can’t figure out where you really need it, then why are you even in business? Above all, don't lie to me--I know if you have a small business, you have an ice cream fund!

The Relatives – You must stop paying for all the stuff your relatives expect you to. So what if little nephew Tommy has crooked teeth and his Dad (your brother) is out of work. It’s not your problem. Sure you can feel bad and if you must, throw and extra dollar or two in your church or synagogue box, but passing out the cash to relatives like there’s no tomorrow is one sure-fire way to go broke.

Pay Attention to Politics – How much are you paying attention to the Presidential race, possible candidates and their policies? What about local politicians? Are you well-versed or do you just vote with the crowd and never watch a debate or pick up a newspaper? The lawmakers in Washington are the ones who will determine how (and if) we get out of this mess so you better start paying attention to who is saying what because the results and election outcomes will affect your future.

Revisit Your Inventory – The biggest mistake business owners make is not doing a physical inventory count and putting an actual value on their in-stock inventory. How much is obsolete? What percentage of that inventory won’t sell? What products did you agree to carry for a price but now are making you no money? Inventory can make or break your business—I’ve always said that. If you don’t manage your inventory well, get ready to say bye, bye in 2012 to the entrepreneurial world. Even if you have to sell inventory for pennies on the dollar to get rid of it, do it. Make room for stuff that will sell.

Employees – All business owners know their largest expense is payroll and the expenses that come with payroll such as 941 taxes and benefits. They also feel the first thing to get rid of is this largest expense but is that what’s really hurting your bottom line? Look at your entire expenses before you make the judgment to cut valuable employees first, even if you must institute a wage freeze.

Happy New Year and Promise to Make Changes in 2012!

Christopher Hitchens Dies: What Fate Awaited Him?

Did you ever have a morning where everything started off wrong? You know what I mean, a day where you wake up feeling sick but have tons to do until you can finally rest your head on your bed pillow at 11:30 p.m.? That was my yesterday. It was also the day Christopher Hitchens died and I didn’t hear about it until the next day as my busy day left me void of any news or Internet—it’s the holiday season after all, gifts to buy, packages to ship, cards to mail with heart felt messages...blah, blah, blah.

Those who know me well will tell you I had a love/hate relationship with Hitchens; although he once sent me an email telling me “you make me laugh.” I have criticized his atheist writings and argued against his book, God Is Not Great. I spoke up when he thought the Pope should be arrested for crimes against children; priests really but the Pope is the Head Person In Charge of all of those priests but still, I just couldn’t side with someone who felt all priests were pedophiles when in reality (at least to me), it is the other way around—pedophiles find dream jobs in becoming priests. There should be more scrutiny really to keep those out so perhaps Hitchens had a point after all.

I loved making YouTube videos on Hitchens and he apparently like them too from the messages he sent and to this day I still am amazed at how many people leave comments: Is this for real? This must be satire right? Of course it is folks, get real for goodness sakes. Even Hitch could take a joke!

I also thought much of Hitchens’ words were poignant such as his writings of Jackie Kennedy in the November 2011 issue of Vanity Fair where he called her “a self-effacing hostess and decorator” in his piece Widow of Opportunity. How true Hitch, how true and at least he was brave enough to say so and in a Vanity Fair “November” issue where a Kennedy usually garnishes the cover! I loved him for that one!

When he was diagnosed with cancer, he also wrote about it in Vanity Fair and it wasn’t the sort of piece you’d expect from a cancer patient. It was more like a prisoner, say number 12722 who arrived promptly for cancer treatment, was a number all day and how it felt to him to be number 12722 in a day of treatment—it scared me and defined him. He was one of the greats who will be missed for his voice.

I was mad when I read his book of essays Arguably, and the piece where he drove Route 66 in a red convertible and criticized the Native Americans of Gallup New Mexico for selling their wares outside of restaurants. What did he know? That is their lifestyle. That is what they do. Don’t criticize what you don’t know—go back to the U.K. for goodness sake and leave us Americans alone! When I vented my outrage at the time in a letter to the editor at Vanity Fair, true to form, Hitchens didn’t let me have the last word. There were tiny italicized words under my letter—his thoughts, but no apology.

Christopher Hitchens did not apologize. Oh sure he may have for stepping on someone’s foot or not holding a door open so it smacked someone abruptly, but for his writings and beliefs, there were no apologies.  

I applauded him for telling former Prime Minister Tony Blair that his life mission to find peace in the Middle East was an impossible chore. Why? You can’t beat religious wars and he was right—you really can’t so why try? As Hitch pointed out, Blair's new career of choice was a lifetime career he'd never finish.

I also thought appearing on talk shows such as Real Time With Bill Maher with scotch in hand was in poor taste and if he could have had a cigarette in the other hand, he probably would have. In fact, he said after the cancer diagnosis he would drink and smoke all over again if he had his life to live again—honesty at the darkest part of life is refreshing from someone who pisses people off, puts fear into some with his words and educates the ignorant with his knowledge. Cheers to that Hitch.

I haven’t yet read his book Hitch-22 although I did make a remark on “stealing” Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 title for the book—be original Hitch! Be all you are known for! You can think of something better than Hitch-22 can’t you? Please? Prove me wrong!

If you are a lover of the magazine Vanity Fair, you’ve seen Hitchens’ writings—opinions—ideas—dilemmas—and the outrageous. Yet is it not the outrageous that makes us want to talk, discuss and think?

I was a speck in the life of Hitchens but felt angered my day yesterday left me so busy I didn’t hear about his death when it came.

I don’t know what fate awaited Hitch, but if he believed when you die, you die then I hope that’s what he got. If there is a higher being, I’m sure he, she or it welcomed Hitch too.

RIP Hitch and even though you’d probably not want any of us to do this, my prayers and thoughts are with your loved ones.

Even Angry Business Owners Can Burn Bridges: Is Your Fire Raging?

So, you’re an entrepreneur and you have things all figured out! Good for you. Whether your business is going well or teetering on the edge of disaster, you can still burn bridges just like disgruntled employees frustrated with a business closure.

How’s the relationship with your vendors, your banker or your loyal customers? Do you treat them badly or dismiss them because in your eyes they need to “do their job?” Some business owners gain a reputation for strict business practices and it’s not a reputation to be proud of.

Let’s say you wait until the last minute to pay your vendors (and there are a lot of businesses who do this). Is this right? If you have the cash flow, why not just pay invoices when due? Do you think holding back the owed money for needed inventory or a service is a good idea? Or, do you feel a sort of power knowing you hold all the cards on when the A/P checks go out?

When your banker calls offering expert advice or a better way to manage your business accounts—maybe he just wants a lunch chat—do you always decline these offers? Again, you are playing God and unfortunately, you aren’t a God.

What about your loyal customers? When they call and need something ASAP, do you sit on the request and get back to them on your timeline? If so, they won’t be loyal customers for long. Your community of customers is your largest asset.

In effect, treating those who help your business run in a bad way does mean you’re burning some bridges and if (and when) things do go wrong they won’t be there to help you. You’ve already gained a bad name on the street. Your employees fear you and vendors are outright angry even though they need your business as much as your need theirs.

Let’s say things are sliding to failure and you figure you’ve got a few months to throw in the towel and start anew. After your grumpy/God-like attitude has shut the doors, pissed off employees, bankers, vendors and customers and you have a great new idea, how receptive will these people be in supporting your new venture?

This situation is no different than disgruntled employees when a business must downsize or close. They may think they’re doing the right thing by blogging about it over and over again or even starting a Facebook page to gain a few supporters. But that’s all they’ll really get—a handful of like-minded folks who were never fit to climb the ladder they set in their career goals. You, however, can’t be this way—you need to march on and become a more positive person.

They say when one door shuts, another one opens and if the doors you shut bring so much dislike for you as an individual or the way your ran your business, don’t expect the support in your new entrepreneur venture—it won’t come. Folks will look at you as risky, a bad apple, and figure your operating procedures haven’t changed, just the name of your business.

It’s hard for employees who feel they’ve been personally offended because most of them have never owned or operated a business. They don’t know the ins, the outs and when a business closure is the only choice for the owner(s).

You, on the other hand, can remain a positive entrepreneur if you run your business the best way you can and engage your customers, vendors and those who loan you money. How you run your business is so important and if you do find it’s time to close, be accessible, be honest and above all, if and when it’s time to start a new business, do it with grace and honor.

Show the people you rely on most you really need them and hope they will join your efforts to succeed. If you don’t, business venture number two will fall as flat as the first and it’s all because you burned bridges with a fire thrower for so long, no one trusts or even likes you anymore. Something to think about indeed! How well do you run, manage and operate your business? Are you souring the grapes?

What Business Owners Can Learn From NFL Quarterback Peyton Manning

Do you own a small business and worry about the vacation trip you planned? You’ll be gone after all, leaving your livelihood in the hands of your employees. The small entrepreneur seems to fall victim to this more than not—they simply don’t go on vacation in fear everything they’ve worked for will fall apart if they aren’t onsite and in charge.

This reminds me of a much larger business, that of the Indianapolis Colts and their loss of star quarterback Peyton Manning. Manning won’t play the entire 2011 season and as of week 12, the Colts are winless without Manning.

This seems strange to me and a great example of poor risk management. I realize when star players get hurt, it can harm the chances of any team winning games but to lose one player and win no games means the Colts, the managers, coaches and owners just didn’t think about this one ahead of time.

If you look at the 2010 NFL season when star QB, Ben Roethlisberger was out for four games due to an NFL suspension, the Pittsburgh Steelers still did well and in fact, made it to the Super Bowl in Dallas. This team didn’t fall apart with one person out of the lineup.

Business owners planning any sort of vacation or business trip often put them off and fear attending seminars or other business events that could enhance their businesses. Why? It’s because they fear failure of their valuable baby if they’re not there. And, most have a very real concern, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Above all, the highest expense for any owner is payroll and unfortunately the saying if you pay peanuts, you’ll get monkeys as employees is true. The first chance they get, they’ll slack off or instigate a non-business event if you’re not there.

Defeat your worries by hiring a qualified backup and that doesn’t mean your spouse or partner—they can benefit from a vacation or business trip too. Hire a manager who believes in your vision and mission and pay them what they deserve based on the experience that comes with them and their ability to keep things running smoothly while you’re gone.

This is simply a good risk management plan. If you don’t prepare in advance for who will be in charge (and it certainly can’t be the unqualified) then you sales will drop while your expenses go through the roof—even if it’s just for a week.

Skip using a family member that has never worked at the business as well because none of your employees will respect them or look at them as an authority figure. Well maybe in the Colts’ situation; asking brother Eli (Manning) to step in would have been okay, but Eli already has a commitment with the New York Giants.

Your entire baby doesn’t have to fall apart because you didn’t foresee risks. The most important risk to identify is how your business will run and operate if you aren’t there. Tackle this risk first—it’s an important risk and one should be priority number one.

So, should the Colts have hired a qualified backup quarterback due to Peyton’s injuries? It seems so as their season is essentially over. Don’t put the pressure on staff not qualified to run your business. Instead, hire a good manager and have a good backup plan if both of you need to be away from the workplace.

Not Paying Your 941 Employment Taxes? How Much Is the Penalty (and Interest)

When small business owners find themselves low on cash during payroll time, the first thought that comes to mind is forget paying yourself and if you’re really cash strapped, you can always pay your 941 employment taxes late right? Wrong.

Employment or 941 taxes are the dollars withheld for Federal income tax from employee’s paychecks, Social Security and Medicare taxes and the employer match of the SS and Medicare taxes. If you have employees, this is a tough nut to make each pay period, especially since the employer is required to match the SS and Medicare taxes.

I can compare this to being in a Catholic school as a youth where the nuns were at least 15 foot tall (and mean) and the priests—well they were so tall and out of reach, you just didn’t talk, look or think about them, unless you were waddling up the aisle during mass to gain the holy wafer.

The Internal Revenue Service seems far away and very tall indeed, so why not just forget about them? You can catch up. You can rob Peter and pay Paul (the IRS) in a week or two. You can skip them all together and just pay the next time. You have other things to pay. Your landlord is threatening to kick you out, the bank loan is one day away and yep, you pick the IRS 941 taxes to skip. This is a bad, bad move

Yes it’s true the IRS is a big institution but I guarantee you, they are not that big and do have offices in most large cities (capital cities). When your number comes up (lack of deposits showing), out comes a representative and then you’re really in trouble.

How do they even know? Well, those pesky 941 quarterly reports must be filed where all wages must be listed as well as deposits and you can fudge them I suppose, if prison greys are your thing. Once they’re filed and the IRS notices you haven’t made the required deposits, expect a knock at the door.

The screenshot above shows the four-tier penalty phase. This is actually from Part 20 of Chapter One from the Penalty Handbook. Everything produced out of the IRS is never short (notice the part 20). The screenshot is actually Part 20.1.4.7.1 or as the IRS likes to call it, the “Time Sensitive Four Tier Penalty System.”

If you click on the screenshot to enlarge, you’ll see right off that even being one to five days late will cost you money.  First off, I don’t know why they call this the “four tiers” because the penalties offered actually run from A through F. I love Letter F the best:

F. 15 percent (actually, a 5 percent addition to the 10 percent for late payment in (c) above) for all amounts still unpaid more than 10 days after the date of the first notice that the IRS sent asking for the tax due or the day on which the taxpayer received notice and demand for immediate payment, whichever is earlier. See IRM 20.1.4.14.4, Penalty Indicator Codes (PIC) (15 Percent Rate)

What? I would love to work for the IRS for just one day. Ever call the IRS? You’ll be on hold for a while and they do warn how long the hold may be and even a better time or day to call but when you do get a real live person, it’s always, “Mr. Smith, I.D. number 423786J2107987653218—and it’s that long too, that I.D. number. I would like to just once say, “Hey welcome to the IRS, my name is Jean and I’m here to help you. What are your concerns? Are you frightened? Did you make a teeny tiny mistake? I can help with that! Oh by the by, my I.D number is 423786J2107987653218.

Wouldn’t that be nicer than the cold Mr. Smith or Ms. Jones who answer? I think so!

In any event, missing these payments is serious so you simply can’t. Over the years when I’ve looked at businesses to buy, the first thing I ask them is how late they are on their 941 employment taxes. Over the past 17 years, I only found one out of five weren’t late. This shows you how easy it is for the average small biz owner to just skip these and try to catch up later.

The problem with this is once they catch you, they’ll of course demand all you owe, plus interest and penalties and of course—you don’t have a lump sum that large so your next step is to be prepared to meet face to face with an IRS agent in an attempt to set up a payment plan.

You can’t just call the IRS to set up a 941 tax payment plan. Nope, it doesn’t work that way. You will be asked to complete their Form 433-B or “Collection Information Statement for Business.” This is where the IRS delves deep into your business financials and you must also include written statements on why you couldn’t pay your 941 taxes. It’s not an easy process and your payment plan has to be approved so you better not fudge on Form 433-B.

Once you’re approved, your next step is to make a commitment to pay 941 taxes each pay period and don’t pay them late or skip them. You’ll also have a monthly nut to the IRS from past due taxes so in reality, you’re paying them a lot—especially when you don’t have a lot.

Don’t skip these. Even if you do have to be a few days late on rent, utilities or even the bank note, let these vendors know you’ll have the money on such and such a date and NEVER skip paying the IRS. They will find you, and if you think living in a rural area will protect you, it won’t.

I joke about the Mr. Smiths and Ms. Joneses of the IRS, but they really can help you before it gets too late you’re so far in debt you feel there is no way out but to close the doors and file business bankruptcy. Unfortunately, you can’t file bankruptcy on payroll taxes—you have to pay them, bankruptcy or not.

Use some common sense and plan ahead. If your payroll is normally around $10,000, add a couple thousand to that for any 941 taxes (state taxes too) to ensure you can cover the nut. It doesn’t take long for that four-tier (well actually A through F) tier to start adding up and if you get that far, you are indeed doomed.

You can read the entire penalty handbook from the IRS here.

MF Global Trustee Loses $50 Billion of Customers’ Money (For Real?)

I love Google News. It puts everything you need to know (or care to know) in one little place and in neat little categories. I don’t like MSN because it’s too busy and Yahoo! makes me want to buy a cow or baby buffalo or some farm animal. Ever see the TV show Lady Hoggers? I could do that you know now that I live in Texas. It’s legal in Texas to kill feral hogs because apparently they destroy so much and do more harm than good.

An interesting story appeared on Google News from Reuters about how MF Global has misplaced one customers’ money—about $50 million in fact, and the customer is complaining they can’t find any money in their account at all—it’s simply disappeared.

According to the story by Jonathan Stempel (wasn’t he in the movie Quiz Show?), the trustee for the now bankrupt MF Global is evading the problem but Stempel did say, “Investigators believe MF Global may have diverted the missing customer money for its own needs. The amount missing is unclear, but a lawyer for (James) Giddens (trustee) has estimated the sum could be $1.2 billion or more.” This $1.2 billion includes the missing customers’ money.

The customer who says funds are missing is Highridge Futures Fund LLP and it’s pretty fair to say they’re not happy with the $50 million invisible mistake (that’s their portion of the $1.2 billion MF Global needs to pay out).

I had funds invested with Morgan Stanley for a long time and I loved my broker—trusted him, he called each week, etc. In 2008 when everything went haywire, I decided Oliver Stone movies were a better investment and went Hollywood so to speak—and it’s paying off—well at least it will soon.

With movie investments you have a couple choices and it’s still risky. You can put some money in at the get go and when the project is fully funded (before filming starts) you can get it back plus a set percentage or leave it in there and hope the movie will do well at the box office—that’s the risky business part.

I tried to think of an Oliver Stone movie that didn’t work out so well and I’m sure there are some but only the famous come to mind so I guess I gambled on a name, not the movie topic (which I shall not reveal here.)

I’d sure like to invest in a Spike Lee movie if I could, but his are hard to get into because so many investors want those top positions so the time to invest comes and goes so quickly, it’s difficult to get in on the bottom floor. Again, I digress.

Back to MF Global, this is another company that failed due to tough economic times, bad investments and portfolios going nowhere. Shame really. I don’t have any money invested with MF Global and never did but if I did, I would certainly be surprised to open my laptop, login to my MF Global account and find my money missing.

I know it’s the bankruptcy courts who appoint said trustees but they sort of remind me of those executioners who sneak into prisons before the deadly hour with hoods or masks on their face and no one ever knows who they are. (Do they still do that?). I live in Texas now so I bet no masks or hoods are involved because in Texas, if you kill one of us, we will kill you back, as comedian Ron White is famous for saying.

Trustee. Say that word three times. Trustee-Trustee-Trustee. Don’t you feel like you’re saying “trust me?”

If this were me, I’d be staking a long-term claim on trustee James Giddens’ place of business or house even, especially if $50 million of my money had gone missing.

I think we should think of a new name for bankruptcy trustees. King or Dictator of the Money would be good. Or, that famous name from that old Mel Brooks film – Count de Money would be even better. Trustee sort of sounds bland and blah and if you say it enough—yep, you get “trust me.” Something to think about indeed!

Read the full story on Reuters by Stempel here. 

Will the Google Panda Hurt Your Business Website?

If you haven’t heard about the Google Panda algorithm you have been either on a long, long vacation or you’re much like my sister who never turns her computer on. Basically, at least from Google’s point of view these algorithms (changes) are a good thing—and they’ve really been going on a lot longer than just this year. Google wants searchers far and wide to find the most relevant and timely information they can when they search.

For example, if you must know the latest information of Snooki Polizzi from the television show Jersey Shore (who doesn’t right?) and type in those exact words, take a look at the article posting dates, most are current (2011). Ignore Wikipedia if you can—they’re always the first hit. Remember all you folks who boast “I know it’s true, I read it on Wikipedia!” that any old Joe Nobody can post anything on Wikipedia. And, by anyone, I mean anyone, even my 83-year old Mom who still calls her computer tower a “tire.” So be careful what you read. But again, I digress.

The Google Panda algorithms of late do seem to want original and timely content. Let’s say your business is a car dealership. Do you update your website or does it have the same content since you opened the doors a galaxy ago? Most business websites probably won’t be hurt too much by the Panda but you never know. If we go back to the dealership example and the “current” rebates and incentives you have are from January of 2011 and someone searched for “current rebates,” your page may suffer. Yep, Google will see that “January” information and skip you over like a pickup basketball game—meaning your website may be last.

Why should you care about your business website? Hmm. Let me think of the last time I actually used a telephone book other than a booster seat for my grandson. Well, it’s been so long, I don’t remember and my grandson is now FIVE (five and a half if you ask him—oh the young!)

Recently, I’ve tried to encourage business owners I know (after exploring their websites) the importance of new and timely content to no avail. I visit their pages each month and the specials are the same, the blog posts are the same and there’s no “new” information for anyone to read.

On the other side of the Google Panda, there is the company lookup thing they probably won’t get past. Even if you never update your website but a person wants your telephone number or address so they can map the driving directions on Google Maps, they’ll find you eventually, map the course and arrive safely.

It’s sort of hard for a doctor’s website to be hurt as well or a lawyer for that matter—unless of course you are searching via specialty. But, if you know the doctor, lawyer or Indian chief’s name, you’ll find it right quick—maybe.

Google also pulls up websites high on the list for businesses named after people. These websites include “city search” and review websites where ghost customers post how well they like the doc or hated the lawyer (who doesn’t) or were happy to pow-wow with the Chief—little rating stars are often given—it’s really sort of fun, but it’s not what you’re looking for right? After that, you may find what is the correct website, or what the Internet fondly calls, the place page.

I’m not sure about you but if you fear these Google algorithms are hurting your business website, you may want to actually LOOK at the site once in a while. Look at your statistics. Are you getting any page views?

Finally, if you don’t know how to look at your statistics on your website, you can forget about the Google Panda Bear because he’s forgottenabout you a long, long time ago and you are indeed in a galaxy far, far away.